Banish your inner “mean girl” (or guy)

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Are there certain times of the year that you feel you can do things a little differently? You can start over and have a new beginning?

For me it’s September, it has always felt like new beginnings for me. Even after I left school and started working full-time there was something about September that made me feel like I could do some things differently. For others, it might be the start of spring.

But for you, I want you to know it can be any day you make the decision to do so.

This week’s topic: Banish your inner “mean girl” (or guy)

This week we’re talking about something each and every one of us struggles with — that voice inside of our heads, the one that tells us we’re not “good enough” or “pretty enough” or “smart enough” to _________________ you fill in the blank.

I like to call it our inner “mean girl.”

Now I’m not discounting all of you men out there. I’ve certainly had lots of male clients who struggle with feelings of low self-worth and have that little voice in their heads.

This phrase or idea of “mean girls” holds a lot of significance. The “Mean Girls” film was based on a groundbreaking book called, “Queen Bees and Wannabes” by Rosalind Wiseman about young female dynamics which was not something our culture paid attention to until something tragic happened.

The movie itself was a significant film because we finally had language and an understanding behind how easy it is to get caught up in a lie and how focusing all of your time and energy outside of yourself can become destructive.

The main character in the movie realizes she can make fun of and degrade the other young women around her but it won’t change how she feels about herself. It won’t make her smarter or prettier or better.

This is exactly what each of us needs to understand when we think about our own inner “mean girl.”

There is a myth that if we mentally beat ourselves up. If we put ourselves down and unleash our own inner “mean girl” towards ourselves then this will give us the motivation we need to be “prettier” or “smarter” or “better” as a person.

Well, it doesn’t.

Mentally shaming, blaming, making fun of ourselves doesn’t make us “do better.” It makes us feel worse about ourselves which in turn makes us shame, blame ourselves even more and the cycle continues…

Action Step: The first thing you must do is get out of that shame loop. Make a pledge that you are not longer allowed to beat the crap out of yourself any more!!!! Find compassion for yourself. You’re human and you make mistakes that doesn’t mean you deserve to be punished for the rest of your life.

The one thing you have complete control over are your thoughts.

No one else can stop you from beating yourself up. If all of this feels too hard then just do this, the next time you catch yourself going in circles about how terrible you are tell yourself — STOP. JUST STOP.

You may not be ready to take the next step which is finding a more compassionate way of speaking to yourself but you are starting to recognize your negative thinking and making a choice to stop going in circles.

That’s it for today!!!

Find out whether or not you’re on the right path by taking the following quiz. Click here to find out.

Tess Brigham